Self-Harming
Sermon preached at the Goth Eucharist at St Edward’s Church, Cambridge
by the Revd Dr Fraser Watts, Vicar-Chaplain, on Tuesday 28th March 2006
Some of you have asked me to preach about self-harm, and I am happy to try to do so. It is not an easy subject for a preacher, something not often discussed in polite society or mentioned in Church services. However, what is the point of a Goth Eucharist if we cannot talk openly here about some of the dark things of life that are usually swept under the carpet?
A surprisingly large number of people, mostly young people, by cutting themselves or in some other way. I know that some of you do that. For those who don't, perhaps it can stand for other kinds of self-hating, self-destructive behaviour. Most of us do something or other that is self-destructive.
The first thing I want to say, as a Christian, to people who self-harm is that Jesus welcomes you into his company and at his table, along with everyone else. The record of the gospels makes it clear that Jesus includes everyone. People used to complain about the kind of company Jesus kept. With Jesus, no one is beyond the pale. With Jesus as you don't have to pretend to be respectable. You don't have to conceal things you think might lead Jesus to reject you or condemn you. With Jesus, there is no rejection and no condemnation. So, whatever secret self-destructive habits you might have, they don't exclude you from the welcome that Jesus extends to everyone.
The more tense, unhappy or angry you are, the more likely you are to release those emotions by self-harming. It is a sign of things being bad. When people feel better about themselves and their lives self-harming naturally declines. That is why it is so important that people who self-harm should know that they are welcomed and accepted by Jesus. I want everyone here who self-harms to know that, in Jesus name, they are welcome and accepted in this Church. There is no condemnation here. If we know in our hearts that we are welcomed and accepted by the Son of God, that can help us to feel better about ourselves, and there will be less need to self-harm. That is my first point.
As Jesus sat at dinner in the house, many tax collectors and sinners came and sat with him and his disciples. When the Pharisees saw this, they said to his disciples, why does your teacher eat with tax collectors and sinners? When he heard this he said…’I have come to call not the righteous but sinners.’ (Matthew. 9. 10-12a & 13b).
God did not send the Son into the world to condemn the world, but in order that the world might be saved through him. (John 3. 17)
Having said that, it is right to acknowledge that self-harming really is self-destructive. I have talked with quite a lot of people who do it. Most people I have spoken to wanted to give it up. No one enjoyed doing it; no one wanted to go on doing it. So, the next thing I want to say, in Jesus’ name, to people who self-harm, is that Jesus wants to liberate you from it, as he wants to liberate you from its control of you, as he wants to liberate all of us from whatever self-destructive things we do.
We all owe our existence to God, and there is something of God at the core of all of us. God's hope and longing for all of us is that we will find fulfilment. There is no clash between what God wants for us and what would give us fulfilment. They are one and the same thing. He wants the best for us, and wants to liberate us from what ever stops us finding fulfilment, including self-harming
The problem is that many of the things that drag us down, like self-harming, are addictive, and are very difficult to give up. We need help to do that. It is central to Jesus’ love for us that he wants to liberate us from whatever addictive, self-destructive habits we are trapped in.
At this point, I am going to say something that you may find hard to hear, and I hope it will not be misunderstood. Compulsive, self-destructive habits are exactly what Christians mean when they talk about sin. In that sense, self-harming has all the hallmarks of sinful activity. It is compulsive and self-destructive; it is exactly the kind of thing that Jesus wants to liberate us from.
Thanks be to God that you, having once been slaves of sin have become obedient from the heart to the form of teaching to which you were entrusted, and that, having been set free from sin, have become slaves of righteousness. (Romans 6. 17-18)
Jesus said, ‘Very truly I tell you, everyone who commits sin is a slave to sin. The slave does not have a permanent place in the household; the son has a place there forever. So, if the Son makes you free, you will be free indeed. (John 8. 34-36)
People often cut themselves because their feelings are building up to intolerable levels. There is so much anger or tension or sadness that it simply has to be released somehow or other. Often, people feel that it is wrong to be angry or tense, and that makes it worse. Then they get increasingly upset about the fact that they have strong emotions, which ratchets up the level of emotional intensity even further.
So, one of the practical things I would say to people who cut themselves is that it is OK to have strong feelings. Jesus had strong feelings. The Gospels make it clear that he sometimes became very angry. I would like to preach on another occasion about anger but, for now, I just not want to make the point that anger and other strong feelings are not necessarily wrong; they can be used constructively
When emotions build up to intense levels, we need some way of managing them. Cutting is a very physical strategy for managing intense emotions. If you need to manage emotions physically, there may be other methods that do less damage. However, you may be able to build up non-physical ways of managing intense feelings. You may have close friends with whom you can express your feelings, and talk them down.
Or you may be able to express your feelings to God. The psalms are full of the most intense expressions of anger and abandonment. It may be the verses that are often left out in Church services that express most vividly how you feel when your emotions are building up to intolerable levels. Using the psalms in that way may help you to find words to express your feelings, whether your anger is directed towards God, other people, or yourself.
When people cut their arms and wrists they draw blood. There seems something very powerful about drawing blood. As blood is released, so tension seems to be released as well. However much it drags you down to release tension in this way, it goes on being very tempting to do it.
However, the last thing I want to say, as a Christian, to people who self-harm, is that Jesus shed blood. He has done all the blood-letting that needs doing. Drawing blood from ourselves is never going to bring us fulfilment. It may help you in not drawing your own blood to remember that Jesus allowed his blood to be shed. At his trial, he was scourged so severely that his whole body would have been bleeding. On the cross the side of his body was pierced, so that blood flowed out. This was the blood of the Son of God and, in a deeply mysterious way, his blood has the power to bring healing, in a way that no other blood can do.
There was a tradition among Jewish people, in Jesus’ time, of offering up the blood of animals in sacrifices. The New Testament is very emphatic that animal blood does no good. The blood of Jesus has already done all the good that bloodshed can possibly do. I would make the same point now about shedding our own blood. It can do us no good, and it is unnecessary, because Jesus has already given his blood.
One of the soldiers pierced Jesus side with a spear, and at once blood and water came out. (John 19.34).
If the blood of goats and bulls… sanctifies those who have been defiled so that their flesh is purified, how much more will the blood of Christ, who through the eternal Spirit offered himself without blemish to God, purify our conscience from dead works to worship the living God. (Hebrews. 9. 13-14)
At this Eucharist, those who receive communion will be invited once again to come to the altar and to receive the blood of Christ. It is a remarkable invitation. In polite Church services we are often close our minds to how extraordinary a thing it is to be invited to drink blood. There are many paintings in which the chalice on the altar is depicted as being held at Jesus side to catch the blood as it pours out of him on the cross. It is this chalice that we drink from at the altar. It is a very precious gift, and it brings healing and fulfilment in a way that our own blood can never do.